Progress and Me.

Progress and Me.

A thought by Lindsey Dominguez

Being a woman has changed my life.  This is not simply a reflective notion, but rather an expressive realization.  As I look at past cultural norms for women I am blown away with how far the female persuasion has come.  Not just from Gender Identity but as individuals able to express freely, women are a constantly changing tide. I was recently watching a promotional video from WhirlPool (Yes, the Washing machine manufacturer) from the 1950’s.  It was titled “Mother goes on a Holiday”. Essentially it is introducing the automatic washer and dryer as a way that the female of the family can free up more time for doing “other things”.  What they allude to is that “Other things” still equates to chores around the house and never ending servitude to her husband and children.  At first, it’s comical. The mother goes off and does something outside the home and the men are sitting around playing cards.  They make cracks about how they can't make lemonade and they :just found it in the refrigerator, the wife made it.”  And then on to bitching and moaning about how now, they have to help with the laundry because all it is, is a simple push of a button.  Wow.  Life as a 1950s man must have been “rough”.  This video is funny to watch, but then it made me a little sad.   Is this progress?  The fact that we have washing machines? We have invented so many gadgets to make a woman’s household life easier, but yet, we fill that time with other complex demands.  Is it helping us or hurting us as women?  We have pinterest.  Isn’t that a little silly?  A board of things we can do with our time. I feel lie in the face of female progress, women can’t simply slow down.  We have replaced mundane household rearing with hyper scheduled hyper filled days.  It’s no wonder lots of the women I know have or have been on anti-anxiety or antidepressant medication at one time or another, myself included.  Instead of enjoying our kids, we over schedule them, we compare them to a societal standard of milestones and play dates and developmental and cognitive checklists. I have never enjoyed a pregnancy (and i’ve had 3).  Why?  For me it was the constant need to be working and entertaining and contributing.  If I take a nap, I feel guilty, like somehow i’m being selfish or abandoning my family.  I have worked full time during the 1st trimesters of all 3 of my pregnancies and it was hell.  But how do we change?  How do we progress without moving backwards into the 1950’s weaker sex servitude that we have worked so hard to overcome?   

I think it starts with being honest, and it continues with being real.  Although we have moved past June Cleaver, we are still stuck on the idea that being busy somehow defines our personal worth as a wife, parent, peer or woman.  We stigmatize ourselves into thinking that is we take time off, or stop long enough to actually rest, we are lazy or somehow admitting defeat.  We’re not.  A few weeks ago I had to have an honest conversation with myself.  I asked myself “Do you like who you are?”  The immediate answer was “no.” At first I couldn’t pinpoint why.  I was working a full time job with a full time salary.  I don’t have a degree and I had a job that surpassed that fact and paid me like I did.  I had free childcare and money to spend.  But I realized that the societal definition of female success was not making me actually fulfilled. I felt like I was drinking the kool aid and somehow I was supposed to project that because I had everything society told me I had worked so hard for as a woman, I should be happy, proud and accomplished.  Instead, I was tired, depressed and felt emotionally bankrupt.  I felt like my sense of self, real self was lost. I felt like a big sell out fake. That’s not who I am. I went to my doctor and was told that I’m depressed and dealing with Anxiety. I started taking Prozac which I fought back and forth about for various reasons, but ultimately I realized that my way wasn’t working.   I quit my job.  It was a risk but I’m glad I took it.  Is money tight?  Sure.  Is it going to be a challenge?  Absolutely.  Do I regret it?  No fucking way.  I am taking time to explore what being me really means.  What does it mean to be me as a wife?  A mother?  A person who refuses to let things define me as a societal norm.  I wanted to wipe the slate clean and start with less.  because sometimes less is more.  And happiness means realizing that sometimes progress is simple, and slow, and even  boring, but worth the extra introspective.

- Lindsey Dominguez considers herself a Jane of all trades and a master of none. And that's the way she likes it. Mostly cynical, sometimes funny, Lindsey writes honestly about things that make her think. She is currently the Social Media Administrator at Women2be.org because she cares about women and their impact on human rights.